1. |
Ratcatcher
02:06
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Well the rats came round to have a go at this tired skin of mine again
Though I fought them off it took every ounce of my strength before they fled
Exhausted and lost in my ways
I damn near welcomed the decay
No! Get up and go!
Give me some peace and quiet, respite from violent thoughts that chase me in my sleep
Woah… I’m afraid of all the things I lack
So won’t you hold… me close before these lungs collapse
Broken bones, open sores, blood runs from my lips as they crack.
No… I don’t know if I can hold it, if I can hold it back
When the rats came back, yeah I thought to myself “this is the end and I’m strangely at ease”.
But as their teeth sunk in, it was like something awoke, a new clarity born from pain!
Abandoned though I had long felt
I found something once dead in myself
No! Get up and go!
I’ll seize the quiet, command the silence, make a real home from this hell
Woah… I’m afraid of all the things I lack
So won’t you hold… me close before these lungs collapse
Broken bones, open sores, blood runs from my lips as they crack.
No… I don’t know if I can hold it, if I can hold it back
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2. |
Night Terrors
03:06
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4 seconds in!
4 seconds out!
Deep breaths but I’m still choking, it don’t seem to matter how much air I move through these lungs
This room spins round
Your mouth goes numb
I got gorillas pounding at my chest, oh how they hate to see me sleep...
Now I have the pleasure of greeting nightly terrors, haunted by half-memories that are best not remembered
(I will fall asleep to the sound of a thousand drums)
Now each day I’m woken by the crushing weight of panic, grappling with worries that arrive with the sun.
(Watch it burn)
Every breath catches in my throat,
Quiet moment meet defining roar.
Try as I might for peaceful nights, there’s a monster at the door
The pressure builds behind my eyes,
Erupts to face the morning light
I try to rise and gain momentum, but the tiniest rock’s enough to stall the engine
Try as I might to set clear sights, I was born with blurry eyes
I feel it gnawing through my skull,
Nervous energy, my only ready fuel
4 seconds in!
Or is it all just my head, a self-fulfilling prophecy, the end result of every doubt I’ve left unchecked
4 seconds out!
Or am I not beyond repair? Maybe I just got comfortable with this disaster identity.
Now I have the pleasure of greeting nightly terrors, haunted by half-memories that are best not remembered
Now each day I’m woken by the crushing weight of panic, grappling with worries that arrive with the sun.
Every breath catches in my throat,
Quiet moment meet defining roar.
Try as I might for peaceful nights, there’s a monster at the door
The pressure builds behind my eyes,
Erupts to face the morning light
I try to rise and gain momentum, but the tiniest rock’s enough to stall the engine
Try as I might to set clear sights, I was born with blurry eyes
I feel it gnawing through my skull,
Nervous energy, the only ready fuel
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3. |
Old Gods & Weary Saints
02:58
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It arrives with the dawn
Starts with a numbness in my lips
As I brace for the fight,
The ground beneath me slips.
So I scream and claw, at these intangible frights
I reach out for purchase as lifelines swing by
But these horrors make head spin, if I could only hold them in my sights…
Maybe I’d be alright.
Won’t you stay… just a minute more.
Cause it’s so cold… and tough to endure.
Fuck old gods, I’ve got this alcohol,
I’m well acquainted with my saints.
But when the wolves came round, they ripped out my lungs,
Proclaimed you’re never gonna sing again!
I said “wait, all I’ve got are these tales, and a few left to tell”.
(gangs)
A few to tell…
This road seems so long
And yet I know it far too well
As I retrace my steps
These familiar faces, they scowl
So I bite and kick, more terror than fight,
I reach out as each empty bottle floats by
But I’ve traveled this path before, and I’ll soon return, it’s just a matter of time…
Old habits won’t die.
Won’t you stay… just a minute more.
Cause it’s so cold… and tough to endure.
Fuck old gods, I’ve got this alcohol,
I’m well acquainted with my saints.
But when the wolves came round, they ripped out my throat,
Proclaimed you’re never gonna sing again!
I said “wait, all I’ve got are these tales, and one left to tell”.
Fuck old gods, I’ve got this alcohol,
I’m well acquainted with my saints.
But when the wolves came round, they ripped out my tongue,
Proclaimed you’re never gonna sing again!
I said “wait, all I’ve got are these tales, but none left to tell”.
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4. |
The Boiler Room
02:47
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I’ve been destitute but never broke beyond repair
A hollow body is an shell empty 'til it finds purpose in the air
So fuck fresh starts, all fairytales, false hope and make-believe,
I'll double down on this weary body to see what it might bring
I’ll open up, knowing I’m bound to fall,
And when the concrete tears this flesh, I’ll paint a portrait with the blood
I’ll try again, expecting the same results
But when that blood it dries, I’ll have made something to call my own
Woah...
when they built this body, they used 90% spare parts
But they made the mistake of giving it a boiler room for a heart
I’ve got a deviated septum and a pocketful of wild ideas
But I’ve developed quite a talent for building something outta broken things
So if you say I’ve lost my touch
In my defense I never had it
And though you claim that I’m coming undone
Well, it was always a part of the package
‘Cause if you wanna know the honest truth, I think composure is fucked and symmetry is kinda dull...
I mean for what it’s worth
I’ve been destitute but never broke beyond repair
A hollow body is an empty until it finds purpose in the air
So fuck fresh starts, all fairytales, false hope and make believe,
I double down on this weary body to see what it might bring
I’ll swim out to sea, knowing the waves are far too tall,
And sure I’ll probably drown, but there’s a chance that I might just evolve
I’ll try again, when this body washes up ashore
Cause as the water leaves your lungs, it’s almost as if you’ve been reborn.
Woah...
when they built this body, they used 90% spare parts
But they made the mistake of giving it a boiler room for a heart
I’ve got a deviated septum and a pocketful of wild ideas
But I’ve developed quite a talent for building something outta broken things
So if you say I’ve lost my touch
In my defense I never had it
And though you claim that I’m coming undone
Well, it was always a part of the package
‘Cause if you wanna know the honest truth, I think composure is fucked and symmetry is kinda dull…
Woah
I know it feels hopeless trying
But in the absence of callings
There’s a certain beauty in broken things
Every torn seam
I know it feels hopeless trying
But in the absence of callings
There’s a certain beauty in broken things
Every torn seam… and each mistake!
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5. |
Dawn Treader
02:47
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Brother, I look on in disbelief,
I’m impressed at the way, with ease you navigate,
this room of kindly faces that shake to my core
Sister, tell me where you find the words,
to keep them alive, these conversations,
I’m in awe of the strength… behind those steady eyes.
I wait for the lion, to rip through this hide,
When dragonskin tears, there’s a child inside,
Slice me from head to toe and be amazed by what you find!
Fear makes me blind, so open my eyes,
Loneliness aches, and perpetuates in kind
So won’t you take out your knife, and locate my spine?
I guess you could say I seek deliverance,
just one helping hand, that don’t burn as soon as I touch it.
There’s comfort in this solitude, but it swallows me whole.
Cause here’s the fucking about camarederie,
It appeals from afar but at my touch it seems to crumble.
Am I just getting old?
I don’t remember it being this hard.
I wait for the lion, to rip through this hide,
When dragonskin tears, there’s a child inside,
Slice me from head to toe and be amazed by what you find!
Fear makes me blind, so open my eyes,
Loneliness aches, and perpetuates in kind
So won’t you take out your knife, and locate my spine?
When we combine, we open skies, we could conquer hell.
I wait for the lion, to rip through this hide,
When dragonskin tears, there’s a child inside,
Slice me from head to toe and be amazed by what you find!
Fear makes me blind, so open my eyes,
Loneliness aches, and perpetuates in kind
So won’t you take out your knife, and locate my spine?
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6. |
Capsized
02:51
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I go back to the place
where the water starts by kissing my toes,
before creeping up to cover my face,
I’m lost to the river
And I don’t know if I’ve got the strength
To pull this weary body to shore,
Before the rhythm offers a final embrace.
The current flows heavy, I get carried away, (far from home)
This riverbank’s rocky, how it tears at my skin, (when I reach out)
But the water it rushes, it lulls me to sleep,
it promises quiet, eternal and deep,
I can’t deny the appeal
I go back to the place
where the water starts by kissing my toes,
before creeping up to cover my face,
I’m lost to the river
And I don’t know if I’ve got the strength
To pull this weary body to shore,
Before the rhythm offers a final embrace.
The rain begins falling, a cool cloth on my brow, (it soothes me)
Above and below now, the water’s closing in, (and I let it)
Do I swallow it down, or am I out of my head,
A thin line between peace and eternal regret,
So I give one more kick….
I go back to the place
where the water starts by kissing my toes,
before creeping up to cover my face,
I’m lost to the river
And I don’t know if I’ve got the strength
To pull this weary body to shore,
Before the rhythm offers a final embrace.
Hold me close! Cause I have forgotten the way.
The boats we row, are so quick to capsize in this drink.
Hold me close! Cause I have forgotten the way.
The boats we row, are so quick to capsize in this drink.
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7. |
Devilspeak
03:03
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Hold fast that tongue lest it scorn you
Quick temper robs sharp wit of its virtue
Swallow that knife before cuts through
Shut your fucking mouth or hear your devils speak first
Shut your fucking mouth or hear your devils speak first
There’s only so many demons a man can fucking kill
You beat one down another rears its head, asserts its will
'Cause all this love is not enough
To balance out the hate you feel.
You hurt what you love! Burn what you touch!
Empires rise and they fall in this chest every day
A peaceful state comes undone, replaced by dictates of pain
But with these lungs I’ll overcome
Or exile myself from what I love
If you can’t beat it down, Then you can’t open up
It’s coming, coming back again.
Bottled, conditioned, served to friends and kin
You let the pressure build then unleash disaster
A slave to your faults, the most cunning of masters,
Rage is happy to sleep, but it fucking loves to wake.
It grows
So slow
In my throat
It’s not a battle within, but cowardice come alive
Fears manifest they lash out, weakness personified,
But you can’t grow, if you won’t kill
The ugliness in yourself
Hate is a vice! Rage is a crutch!
It’s coming… coming back again.
Bottled, conditioned, served to friends and kin
You let the pressure build then unleash disaster
A slave to your faults, the most cunning of masters,
Rage is happy to sleep, but it fucking loves to wake.
It’s coming, it's coming, it's coming,
It's coming, it's coming,
Hold fast that tongue lest it scorn you
Quick temper robs sharp wit of its virtue
Swallow that knife before cuts through
Shut your fucking mouth or hear your devils speak first
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8. |
The Gates
03:02
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Blood that’s long been soiled,
Yeah it’s starting to feel clean,
Open wounds are finally shut,
Though scar tissue remains
I trace it with my fingers,
To remind myself of past mistakes
Hands do tremble
As I remember
Shame crashes over in waves that sting
A familiar ebb and flow
I’ve constructed myself such a fortress strong
But it echoes with every blow
The balance that I’ve struck it holds
But it would only take a well placed nudge
Sirens bottled
Freed they throttle
Wait, wait
There’s something at the gates,
You can hear its heavy breathing
as it’s clawing at the paint
Too late, too late
There’s no keeping it at bay,
the door begins to splinter,
you can hear it as it sings:
I’m so glad I found you,
You must’ve been so damn scared,
did you wander off and forget you left me,
Sitting there on that shelf
Now that I’ve got my arms around you,
I’m gonna sing you back to sleep,
I’ll nurse every one of those bad habits
You neglected without me
Days I’ve counted more than once,
Never do add up,
The thing about new beginnings,
Is that there’s always another one
There’s peace in this equilibrium
Pride in not having to abstain
Self-determined
Or deluded?
Wander right back, same old path, slip on through
Once removed I can see the trap I fall into
Wander right back, same old path, slip on through
As if on cue
Wait, wait
There’s something at the gates,
You can hear its heavy breathing
as it’s clawing at the paint
Too late, too late
There’s no keeping it at bay,
the door begins to splinter,
you can hear it as it sings:
I’m so glad I found you,
You must’ve been so damn scared,
did you wander off and forget you left me,
Sitting there on that shelf
Now that I’ve got my arms around you,
I’m gonna sing you back to sleep,
I’ll nurse every one of those bad habits
You neglected without me
Without me
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9. |
Self-Portraits
02:12
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Drop D - Self Portraits
It’s the same old tired threat
The absence of purpose
I’m trying to forge some routines,
But in search of consistency
I keep stumbling over familiar roots
Patterns breed boredom, now ain’t that the fucking truth
I feel it in my throat
It grows, it grows, it grows
Living in my mind, there’s a version of me
He’s the picture of health and by all means he looks happy
The funny thing is that the bastard never fucking speaks
Cut your losses, and start all over
Maybe this time, you’ll get a little further
Burn your clothes, they’ve been weighing you down,
There’s a suit on hold that we’ve been saving for just this moment
It’s the same old tired thread
This inevitable restlessness
I keep falling back into my old ways
Improvement is exhausting, now ain’t that the fucking truth
I feel it in my throat
It grows, it grows, it grows
Living in my mind, there’s a version of me
He’s the picture of health and by all means he looks happy
So why is that his smile gives me the creeps
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10. |
Incisions
02:10
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There’s earnesty in his eyes
To mask the privilege he denies
The hurt to which he lays claim
Have you ever seen guilt that’s been weaponized
Oh my god, it’s getting old,
Have another tissue for your bloody nose
You’ll never learn if you won’t address the ugliness you keep inside
Armed with well-worn defenses,
Your tired alibis
The way you wield these friendships
Human shields and blinding lights
You preach your best intentions
but you reek of appetites
You dodge responsibility
So why don’t we crack open that skull,
And have a quick look around inside
There’s sadness in his eyes
And a fear of being vilified
But the pain to which he lays claim,
Supersedes the needs of everyone in his life
Oh my god, it’s getting old,
Self-pity elevated to an art form.
You’ll never grow if you can’t own the ugliness you keep inside!
Dig into your flesh until there ain’t nothing left,
Peel the paint from the mirrors
Purge yourself of everything you’ve learned up ‘til now;
That little voice, it’s every breath is toxic.
Armed with well-worn defenses,
Your tired alibis
The way you wield these friendships
Human shields and blinding lights
You preach your best intentions
but you reek of appetites
You dodge responsibility
So why don’t we crack open that skull,
And have a quick look around inside
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11. |
By Lamplight
02:01
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A deep tired (so tired)
Apathetic
I’m sick of chasing of dreams like a mule to a carrot
All I know is that I wish I knew far more
Self-lies (so divine)
Old relics
Disappointment breeds within cyclical habits
All I know is that I’m sure I’ve said quite enough
Please hold on tight
There’s possibility in the dark
So little goes right
There’s possibility in the certainty and liberty that before you lies an infinite expanse,
In which you might shine bright
I awake in the throws of,
Panic attacks that won’t budge
I reach for hands these gone missing
I stumble from my bed to
Seek solace from old friends who
Honestly I can’t bear to call
Please hold on tight
There’s possibility in the dark
So little goes right
There’s possibility in the certainty and liberty that before you lies an infinite expanse.
In which you might shine bright
We’ll burn it down
We’ll burn it down
We’ll burn it down
We’ll burn it down
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12. |
Roadmaps
02:34
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I take these pills to keep me sane
But what if they’re the reason that I never change
Maybe Bandaids only serve to hide old scars
That form a roadmap to better days
Have I obscured that which from I should learn
Chosen comfort for fear of these burns
Have I adapted to survive or have I grown numb to my own self-deceit
Open skies, do terrify, robbing the breath from my lungs
Oh yes I swear, this canvas does inspire, but it also shakes me to my core
Opened wide, these eyes do spy that I am oh so very small…
The beauty isn’t lost on me but the perspective swallows me whole.
I take these pills to keep me sane
But what if they’re the reason I never change
Maybe Bandaids only serve to hide old scars
That form a roadmap to better days
Have I obscured that which from I should learn
Chosen comfort for fear of these burns
Have I adapted to survive or have I grown numb to my own self-deceit
Starry nights, how you ignite, but as to what… I can’t be quite sure.
I feel numb, as if your sparkle’s been dulled, familiar tears refuse to wet my eyes
Startled by my own admission, I wonder if I am to blame…
The help I sought did save my life but in safety are we meant to remain?
A fence now blocks the precipice… but where do I go from here?
I take these pills to keep me sane
But what if they’re the reason I never change
Maybe Bandaids only serve to hide old scars
That form a roadmap to better days
Have I obscured that which from I should learn
Chosen comfort for fear of these burns
Have I adapted to survive or have I grown numb to my own self-deceit
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